I can't be Peter Pan

At first, I thought it was all a dream. I’ve never actually paid much attention to the news or what my parents say. My friends did warn me that the hurricane was going to be big, but I thought it was just everyone overreacting. I was pretty sure it was just going to be a little bit of rain, and that’s it, that was my mistake. At around five o’clock in the morning I noticed my sister woke up disoriented, she had a nasty fever when we got to the refuge, and mom was worried about her. I was too. I never actually express how I feel, but I love my sister. She’s always been more of a mom to me than a sister though. I know it shouldn’t be that way, but it is. Anyways, I know the reason she woke up. The floor in that instant started to shake. The wind was blowing so hard that it felt like an earthquake. I guess the hurricane was really a big deal.

After a few minutes, my sister went back to sleep and everyone around her too. Yeah, we’re sharing a room with like ten other people, and I don’t know how to feel about the whole situation. I’m trying to stay calm about the entire thing, but it is not easy. I tried to listen to music, so I put my headphones on and put my playlist from Blink-182. 

A few hours passed, and a million thoughts went through my head. At some point, I got up from my rickety bed and looked out the window. I wished I’d never done that. The hurricane had erased the town I grew up in, I think it erased Puerto Rico from the map and it was still not done with it. I tried to be positive at the moment. I guess I wouldn’t have to worry about flunking out of a second college or that I got dumped by the love of my life. I didn’t have to worry about my sister graduating from college and abandoning me with our crazy mother. I didn’t have to worry about that at all. I went back to my bed and closed my eyes for a few seconds when I heard someone calling my name.

“Alex! Wake up! We’re in the middle of the eye of the hurricane, we can go to the bathroom.” That was my mom. My sister was next to her all wrapped up in blankets and with a blank expression in her face. I guess she looked outside the windows. “I don’t feel like going to the bathroom, and I think we should stay inside just to be safe.” I really needed to use the bathroom, I drank way too many bottles of water during the night, but there was no way I wanted to step a foot outside. If I did, it meant it actually happened.

We used to live right next to the refuge; a school my sister and I faintly attended. You could see our house from the basketball court, and from the second floor, you could see one of our uncle’s house. I decided to go outside and see if I could see our uncle’s house since we were on the second floor, it was gone. At that moment I started to panic. My mind went blank, and I’m pretty sure I was hyperventilating. My sister was next to me, and she began to cry. “Alex, do you think our house is ok?” I took a deep breath and answered, “home is the four of us sis.” I guess I lied because my mom hugged me and said I was right.

Minutes, hours, days passed. We had lost our house. We were living with our grandma now. I wanted to get out of there, my sister was an emotional wreck, and my mom was… she was my mom I guess. None of us had a clue of what to do.

-“He’s getting us tickets to move with him to Ohio.” My sister was talking to me, and I felt lost for a few seconds. I finally answered.

-“What? Jason?“ My sister’s boyfriend had moved a few months ago to Ohio, and they were planning to move together after she graduated from college, I guess the way we were living now speed up that process.

- “Yes, Jason! Oh, you’re gonna love it over there. He has a room for you, and you can stay with us. You can study over there, and you’ll see, your life will turn around.” My sister is such a positive person sometimes. It can be annoying.

I said ok to moving to Ohio.

A month later I was living under my sister’s roof. No mom. Just her and her boyfriend. I could sometimes hear them talk about how I still didn’t have a job or found a college to study at. I guess I just need time. I don’t know what I want.

The first few months I went out with them every time, but they haven’t invited me to anything in a while. My sister seems to hate me or something.

-“Alex, I found a job posting for you. You should check it out. Is a restaurant a mile away from here; you can walk to it. Call.” I want to say that I called. I didn’t.

Things in Puerto Rico were a bit better. Mom was crazy, but she was finally adulting for the first time. I wonder how that feels like? But then again, my sister does my laundry, cooks for me, and I have my own bedroom at her place. She’s so nice to me. She’s starting college almost from scratch, works full time, plus takes care of the house and has time for her boyfriend and me. I wonder if she could get me a new game when she gets paid?

It’s been a year. No college. No love life. No job. Still living with my sister.

-“You’re going to be an uncle!” My sister and her boyfriend were crying happy tears.

- “You guys moving to a bigger apartment?” I am not giving the baby my room.

- “Alex, we’ll figure something out. Don’t worry about that.” I feel weird.

The months started to pass, and my sister was going to be a mom. She was an adult, had her own life and; I should be an adult too. I guess things started to click in my head at that moment. 

The baby was born.

When everyone got home from the hospital, I told them I was going to stay for another month to help them take care of the baby so they could sleep. I was leaving after that. My sister cried. I think she was proud or relieved; maybe both.

I got a job at a restaurant, found an apartment a week after that and moved out of my sister’s apartment a month later.

I’m still lost.

I don’t know what I’m doing. I guess I have to adult now.